Those of us who move around the teen must be aware of these basic needs and we must aim to build and retain the relationship with them.

We must strive to listen to our teens. Really listen to their opinions and feelings. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them. Good eye contact is valuable in letting someone understand that you are interested to hear what they say. It does sometimes mean that we, as parents, must stop what we are doing. This sends a message to the child that she is important- more important than what I am busy with- and therefore it makes her feel loved.

The challenge however comes to setting safe, loving boundaries, because they will get tested. Studies with teens have shown that boundaries make them feel loved. In those same studies, teens show that they lose trust when boundaries are constantly moved. Aim for consistency.

Be self-confident, but not aggressive and avoid the use of language like “you always…” and “you never….”. Try not to be passive – to not make promises and not keep to them. It makes any person feel disappointed, but your young lady might see it as rejection and gets the message that you don’t love her.

It is sad to know that suicide is the second biggest reason for teen deaths in South Africa, after unplanned accidents. I don’t discuss teen depression and anxiety in any depth here. Seek advice and guidance as soon as you suspect your teen suffers from either or both. Sometimes it’s a challenge to distinguish “normal behaviour” from what is dangerous in this complex phase. I am well aware of the metamorphosis they undergo.

Questions such as: How will you describe your mood?

Do you enjoy your daily activities? It May be helpful to give a guide.

Be a good example.

Healthy diet, exercise and stress management is better learned when practised and seen in real life.
(This is a good opportunity to spend some time together).

While we help them to mature, we must also help them to make good decisions – decisions that will keep them from dangerous situations and habits. Studies have shown that brain development, in this phase of life, is not complete. The centres for emotional development, and specifically those responsible for planning ahead, is not developed yet. Thus, it is extremely hard for the teen to connect an action with its consequences.

Teen alcohol and drug abuse is a reality, and it is a myth that it’s only prevalent in certain communities or socio-economic environments. If you suspect your teen is using these products – you cannot ignore them. Be aware of the tendencies of the time. At the time of writing, it is to vape. The vape device is currently the most popular form of nicotine use, but many teens do not even realize that vaping cartridges contain nicotine. There seems to be a belief that they are safer than cigarettes which have helped make them appealing to this age group. Due to the nicotine content vaping is still addictive and flavours and chemicals (in the form of oils) are still inhaled into the lungs.

Our teens are in this phase for a short time.
We need to nurture them.